I miss them :'-(

My proudest moment - When DT climbed onto my bed. Rookie would have loved that bed, but she never got to see it :-(




I miss DT and Rookie.

Sometimes I'm okay. I can think about them and smile. Every now and then I think about them and I get sad. Sometimes I feel guilty coz I feel like I miss DT more than Rookie, but I don't. I love them equally and I miss them both heaps, it's just that I know that DT is gone; I've been able to say goodbye. It sucks, but I know she's not coming back. I don't know where Rookie is, and while I think I'm probably never going to see her again, there's this teeny, tiny bead of hope that stops me from saying goodbye.

It also sucks that I can't cry to anyone about it, because no one would get it. They're just cats.

But they're not just cats. They were my best friends.

I didn't have many friends. I could probably count them all on one hand, and that's throughout my childhood. I was a loner with a dysfunctional home life. DT and Rookie were my best friends. I talked; they listened. They were always there for me and they made my life a fairly happy one. I enjoyed their company immensely.

I always said I didn't know how I'd live without them. I guess I'm finding that out now. It hasn't been so bad. Not that losing them didn't hurt. I'd do anything to get them back. I just mean that I guess they were with me when I needed them the most. At a time when I was lonely and had no friends. I have friends now. They fulfilled their purpose maybe? As hard as it is to see positives when I miss them so much, I guess that's one; not that they're gone, but that they were there.

I feel so stupid talking about cats in this way.

They were so much more than just cats.

Rookie made me feel so special because she loved cuddles. She was so affectionate it was sometimes annoying, but now I miss it. When Rookie was happy, she would start to dribble. It was kinda gross, but really, really cute. She also talked to me. I would talk and she'd meow back. That was my favourite trick with her. Sometimes it sounded like we were having a conversation.

DT was a snob. She was so independent, but she loved me and that made me feel special. She was so moody, but I could read her well. I loved it when she slept on my pillow. She usually slept on the end of my bed, but occasionally I would wake up and find her on my pillow. That was my most favourite way to wake up. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else though; she could be pretty dangerous. That's what made her special.

If Rookie is alive, I hope she's happy. I'm just worried because I know she loved me heaps, and I don't want her to think I don't love her. The way she left. I hope she knows. If someone else is looking after her, they'd better be treating her like a princess.

I wanna know what killed DT. She died during the heatwave. She didn't really wanna be inside, and I'm worried it's because of the kittens. I hope she didn't die of dehydration. Maybe it was a snake bite. I guess I'd feel less guilty if that was the case. That was a horrible day. I don't know what the date was because I don't like thinking about it enough to figure it out. It was in November, Saturday of the heatwave though (I think). Sunday that I found out.

A friend is a friend; doesn't matter what their exterior looks like.
They were my babies.

I hope I see them again in Heaven (I don't know what I believe about this. I do believe animals will be in Heaven, but animals what we knew...I dunno, but I'll hope it anyway).

I hope I made their lives as happy as they made mine. If they lived happy lives, then I could ask for nothing more.